Multiple personality disorder?
#23 ~ Who or what, is the true self? And where does it reside?
I believe that there is no one alive right now, who is entirely centered and conscious of who they are, and perhaps more importantly, who they are not. If you have been following along in my previous posts, it is pretty clear of what my position is on the legal CORPORATE fiction, the NAME, - vs. - the child of God creation that is One’s eternal spirit, soul, and consciousness. What I am focusing on in this article, is the multiple selves that we contend with on a daily basis, that distract and hide One from One’s true self.
Many have a hard time with the concept that we, as man, a species, are born with sin. These, that struggle and deny this point, say that the innocent baby is “fresh from the other side” and is pure and good. For myself, after delivering our youngest in a home birth, where I got behind the plate and was the catcher for this inning, I too, believe that this little bundle of life force that had made his way into this world was nothing if not: fresh, innocent, and good. And of course, the most beautiful creature that I had ever seen ;-)! All attending that birth: his three older brothers, myself, Cynthia’s best friend and her son, as well as two midwives; were so overtaken by the miracle of life presenting itself so wonderfully, that we didn’t seem to care or notice if it was a boy or girl! It took several minutes before the curiosity of our friends son, to excitedly remind us of the question, — girl or boy(?)!
Cynthia and I have produced four sons, and each presented with his own personality and character from day one. When I was in university back in ‘86, my Educational Psychology Professor was teaching that all babies start out with a blank slate. And, that it is only the experiences and environment that determine personality, intelligence, and potential of any infant; the Nature vs. Nurture question. From experience, I know that he was categorically wrong. So what does my recounting of this birth story have to do with multiple personalities? Well, these new little creatures, baby boys and girls, will, from that day one, have situations thrust upon them that will shape and affect them for the rest of their lives. The values and expectations of our families and the society into which One is received, will create frameworks that have nothing to do with One’s true self, but will direct and affect identity and how One goes on to “be” in this world. I am not trying to lay out here how One can best raise a child, or interpret how or why One has become who they seem to be. I am suggesting that the layers of understanding and presupposition of who One is, and why, often has very little to do with the true self.
It was the summer of 1980, the year I turned 14; and in this part of the world, this is when One is able to “apply” for a Class 7 Driver’s License, a Learners Permit. It was the pattern in my family to always put the learner behind the wheel whenever the family went somewhere; such that the most seat time and experience could be gained in preparation for the full blown, Class 5 Driver’s License examination, after turning 16, having had two years and many miles of practice.
That summer holds many of the things that were to create and form the personalities and characters shaping the identity of who I thought, and still think, myself to be. My parents split up; with my Father moving out of the family home and me not hearing directly from him for almost a year. I was the son of a “preacher man”, so this came as quite a blow, and hit fully, from beyond left field. We were also soon to learn that not only was my Father involved with another woman, but that there had been other infidelities over the recent years. So much for my notion of coming from a good and stable family. I mention these details, as they all have an affect on the formation of who I saw myself as. None of these external things had anything to do with my true self, but built layers of messy buildup over top of that “child of God”/soul consciousness.
So with Learners Permit in hand, I became the chauffeur for what remained of my family. Every Sunday morning to church, I would be waiting in the Driver’s seat to do my duties. Indeed, every weekday morning I was “Driving Miss(us) Lucille”, my Mom, to my school to drop me off, where she continued on to her school, as she was a teacher. All of this driving took place going from one side of Edmonton to the other, as we had also been Southsiders but had recently moved across town to the newly developing West End, we both still schooled on the Southside. I do not know of any other Learners Permit holder that logged as many miles and hours of seat time as I did, during those two years of practice.
The thing about this little story of my early years of driving, is that it also cemented something into my consciousness, my character, personality, and even my values. And it had nothing to do with the operations of a motor vehicle. It did have to do with the operations of what I thought was: my self. You see, being the youngest of four children, and happening to have been endowed from day one, with a slight but significantly different, “way of being”, than the two parents and the three previous children, I was the outsider: the black sheep. And to do with this little story, the scapegoat.
Now One can only imagine, back in the day, when the whole village or tribe, came together, prayed on and visualized all the wrong and sin that they had been experiencing and executing, and focused it on the little goat, tied to a pole in the middle of the group. Hurled at and heaped with the foul that all had suffered and been responsible for, only to become the burden of this fine little wholesome and innocent goat. That once everyone was satisfied that the guilt, shame, pain, and blame - that they all were experiencing, had been successfully transferred to said goat; it would be shunned! Turned out into the wilderness and not allowed to return to the safety of the group; only to be savagely ripped to pieces by a suitable predator, or simply left to starve, unattended and un-nurtured. Of course thus rendering the tribe or village - “free from sin and suffering”?
That whole scapegoat story sounds a little more severe than what I was to experience as the chauffeur for my family. The overlap resides in the dumping of unresolved emotions and pain, onto me, the stand-in for the goat, in this little vignette. So how did something rather distasteful, harsh, and inappropriate, this act of scapegoating, happen in a 1980s suburban happy little family? At the time, none of us knew it was happening; I think; or perhaps, hope.
Take for example, the Sunday morning ritual of getting to church, which culminated in our whole family walking into service whilst the first hymn was being sung, the “call to worship”. EVERY Sunday, almost, we were consistently late. Was it due to the chauffeur being new to his post that caused this ignominy? It was not! I had been all too familiar with going fast, as I had spent my boyhood skateboarding and dirt biking; the goal of which was never to be safe, slow, and unscathed! It might seem that those years of broken limbs, raspberry patch elbows, knees, and hips, and then of course stitches, were for the sole purpose of scathing, or at least learning where those limits lay. So speed, was never the problem, at least as it pertained to my ability to get my family where it needed to go as quickly as possible. However, as I have previously described, I sat in the driver’s seat, awaiting my family to get in the car so that I may transfer them to the church, on time! To no avail. Despite my rather excessive limits on the speed scale, and doing everything I could to make every light before it turned yellow, or indeed red, etc., we were always just that 90 seconds late. You see; and it has taken me almost 50 years to see it myself, I was set up.
(For those who have never “wiped out” on a skateboard on concrete or asphalt, or a dirt bike going around a corner more than a little too fast; the raspberry patches described above, are the scrapes and road rash One receives from hitting the ground in a most inappropriate way. Feet are made for hitting the ground, running and walking, amongst other things; elbows, knees, boney hip protrusions, shoulder blades, etc., I think you get the idea, are not made for perambulation, sliding, or skidding across concrete or clay hardpan. It leaves scars that remain today, a reminder of how fast is too fast.)
I was not the last one in the car. Every Sunday, it was my mother. And not by a few seconds, but several minutes, we waited in the car for her as she made us late. As too it was, almost every weekday when we once again sped along Whitemud Freeway, across town to the South side, to attempt to get to school on time. Now the scapegoat part of this went something like this:
Arlen! Why do you have to go so fast!
Arlen! You are scaring me with your crazy lane changing!
Arlen! I feel like we are taking off for the MOON!!
Noises and grunts making clear that she was not comfortable nor agreeable to the motion and upset of travel and speed that she felt was un-necessary and something that I was causing, to her detriment.
Gasps of reaction to a lane change or perceived (imagined) danger.
In all these trips, I never had an accident, never was pulled over for speeding, dangerous driving, or ANY infraction of law or safety. Not once!! And yet somehow, I was the problem.
I do not write this as a complaint or accusation against my mother. I write this to express that there was a created character or identity that was put upon me, that had nothing to do with me. With patience, I awaited my mother’s arrival into the car, whereupon I would do my best to “get us to the Church on time”! However, responsibility was never taken by the perpetrator of the delay and time-crunch, but scapegoated onto the innocent party. Now this was not a singular experience, that my driving was so “outside the box” that it was decreed by not only my mother, but in fact the whole family, as being dangerous, excessive, inappropriate, and even perhaps juvenile Tomfoolery (a speed related term ;-) )! It was instead, at every instance of my childhood and adolescence that there was a rush, that time was of the essence, and, that somehow it was my fault.
This post is becoming somewhat hard to write as I relive and revisit some of the memories and emotions from this time in my life. My family was suffering in the summer of 1980, no doubt! Instead of dealing with that pain and suffering in each of the four other members of my family, it found a release, a pressure relief valve, in the familiar character of the scapegoat. The scapegoat routine did not begin in this summer as described, it had been dogging me my whole life. As an outlier in my family, I always had a different view and value on things. Right from the start; and to this day. And it abraded my mother and siblings, from as far back as I can remember.
The outcome of this is what relates to the title of this post, a “Multiple Personality”. I do not describe myself as someone who is suffering from a “DSM” described psychological affliction, but as someone who is carrying a monkey on my back that is the creature that was created; the outcome of this scapegoating throughout my childhood years. I suffer from the patterning and programming that this repeated, real and felt experience, furrowed into my psyche, creating in me what I have come to call, my Time Demon.
~ Trauma and the gateway for Demons
I know, having been raised in a modern, so-called, Christian religious family, that Demons are malarkey. The New Testament, and more importantly Jesus’/Yeshuah’s words being directly taken as “casting out demons”, and that an ever-present reality of evil and the demonic, taking hold of and inhabiting the consciousness’ of people was happening commonly in the people of “that” time. However, of course, that doesn’t happen now, and that anything resembling the “evil force” of a demon is hysteria and to be rebuffed as exaggerated explication!
I hope that you, dear Reader, are able to sense the sarcasm in the previous paragraph.
If One has never been chased by demons — by evil — by true malevolence, with real and present danger at risk, if not just around the corner, then, perhaps, my narrative sounds melodramatic! Blessed as such be, the innocent lamb! But for those of you who have known evil, who have been chased by wolves that were ready to devour, and end you(!), then you may have a glimmer of understanding that demons, and the affect that they bring into the world, through those who allow their presence within their “self”, or “selves”, to manifest, may have an idea of what I’m laying down here.
Just today, I was listening to a Jordan Peterson interview with Michael Malice. Wherein, the guest, Michael Malice asks Jordan, in his capacity as a Psychologist, to describe why One would be involved in paedophilia, and what in fact was the attraction. I invite you to listen to Jordan’s answer, as I believe it aligns almost perfectly with my own understanding of this vile behaviour.
Now, where all of Psychology and Psychiatry fear and actually refuse to tread, I volunteer and suggest, is where the self, or at least some part of it, has been subsumed, by evil, a demonic force and presence.
Every abuser has been abused! Trauma is experienced by a little innocent, and the innocent is compromised forever: tarnished and never to be made clean again! This is not “on” the abused, but the abuser. (This is not the origin of original sin as described above, this is far beyond that category of philosophical/theological debate!). The “abused”, can never go back to being “un” - abused; the trauma has been executed and - “mission accomplished” - for the evil one. This leaves the abused, what is often the little child, in a state of dis-connection from conscious awareness or in shock: the state of distress which can be anywhere from a break from “reality”, to actual loss of consciousness. Imagine being that such an One, that suffers some kind of betrayal, and is left with the experience of terror, danger, or physical suffering that has been inflicted by a most malevolent force. That malevolent force is, or at least is empowered and driven by, evil. Now there are those who believe that “evil”, is something that weak or foolish people choose to partake in. By allowing their decisions and values to be misconstrued onto a direction of wrong, deceit, lies, treachery… I think you get the idea. However, I do not see it as such. It is not something floating around in the field of possibilities of what One chooses: hmmmm, let’s see, it’s Tuesday, so I think I’ll go with cheating on my business partner ‘cause he took the credit for my last new idea; as opposed to: it’s Wednesday, where he was nice to me, and made me sound cool in front of the new pretty secretary, so I won’t lie about the profits on the new product, etc. The action of choosing evil is not something so benign that it resides within One’s own consciousness as a mere possibility or wrong decision. It lies lurking, waiting for its opportunity to present, and slyly and smoothly entrance the lonely, empty, hopeless, or wanting, to choose this path of ease and perfidic gain.
To be added to the ArlenP, glossary of terms and conditions.
perfidic:adjective form of perfidy; the action and intention of betrayal and treachery, for which there must be a precondition of faith or loyalty
When trauma is inflicted on an innocent, the psycho/spiritual wasteland that the traumatized finds themselves in, cannot be imagined by those who have not been visited by such a terrifying reality. There is no one: there is no safety: there is no hope: — I may - or may not, survive this voyage into “un”-reality! And thus the traumatized is left abandoned. Lonely! Weak and vulnerable, with no safety of parent, caregiver, etc. (if the parent or caregiver is the abuser, they, the abuser, abandons that post of caregiver of the abused, in the action of the betrayal). It is this loneliness where One is left in the dark, looking for some respite, some relief, when a “voice” is heard. A voice that so tenderly and deceptively convinces the little One that they are a friend, a support in this desperation! What has come to my awareness, and what is suggested by Mr. Marzinsky, is that that voice, is the voice of the evil one. The desperate and lonesome betrayed little One will take what it can get! This offering, is not an offering of love and goodness, but a hollow and empty promise of lovingkindness and manipulating approval.
I suppose One might ask, “why is it the evil One who shows up in these desperate moments?" Could it not be an Angel or the Holy Ghost that might visit in these times of abandonment?” The answer to this question, lies in the necessity of choice, in this free will experience. If Jesus, or the Holy Ghost just showed up any and every time One was in trouble, in distress, in torment, or even at the edge of death; then what is One’s choice? Any time the rubber hits the road and there is payment to be made, God shows up and says, “no problemo, I’ll take care of it”!!!! Is this what we ask for from our magnificent Creator?!?! Just make it all OK! — NO! This is up to each such an One, no matter how hard or painful the outcome seems to be. We must ask. We must cry out, “save me from this suffering!”. We must choose Him. Again, entering the domain of this complex understanding of free will, more on this soon.
~ Why would One identify with, or act as or for , the Demonic?
I believe that in almost every case of the traumatized individual, who has accepted some tenderness and approval from an outside force, unrecognized as such by them: that the message that is given by that outside force is received or interpreted as their own voice, inside their head. If One could identify that a “voice”, was not their own, but that of an external, and specifically demonic, force, One would discount that message and carry on with their day. However, I am rather intimately aware of such a force that affects and carries on inside of my own head, with an almost un-restricted abuse and fervor. My “Time Demon”! How could a voice in my head, that reveals itself as my own thought and sounds like my own voice within my consciousness be demonic? Firstly: this Time Demon is never constructive, it is only abusive: to criticize any action or plan that I may be partaking or executing as being slow, in-efficient, or just plain stupid. It is not a message that in any way helps me to execute something or to form a plan that gets more done or is easier in the long run. It only “knocks me down”! Secondly: sabotage!! Before I have even done any action, it is criticizing how I plan to act and again, knocking me down. Preventing me from moving in any direction let alone a positive one. Thirdly: consumption. The amount of energy and time that I allow this demon to consume, with NO BENEFIT to me whatsoever, is a cardinal verification that this whole effort and exercise is nothing but an “Arlen is stupid and wrong” event! The true Arlen, does not and can not act as a destructive saboteur that voraciously and wastefully consumes.
This is not something that I respect or hold as valuable.
This time demon creeps up on me in every circumstance and puts me at odds with my true self and my interest of expressing myself, in doing the will of The Father. I don’t consciously choose this critical and incorrect action, to implement the time demon. It is an element of my “self” that is not fully under my control and certainly not aligned with my true self. It is an artificial personality, that in certain situations, given leeway, transposes itself upon the real Arlen. Convincing me to accept the offer, that my family gave to me (created through their own trauma) that I was always the cause for a rush and a time crunch. Thus creating in me, as I was alone, the four of them held accord that the time pressure was my burden, so that I took on this negative judgement and blame, as the scapegoat, that really and truly had nothing to do with me.
This is ever complicated by what I described in my previous post “In They You Trust” as the need of the infant/child to make the caregiver/parent perfect and correct; such that the child, infant, or innocent, takes on the blame and identifies as the “cause” for the error, betrayal, infraction, terror, etc. administered by the abuser or caregiver.
So now we come to our good friend, Jerry Marzinsky and his study of the criminal schizophrenic. Summarizing what Jerry has presented in many interviews, which does not concur with ANY of modern Psychiatry or Psychology, is that, the consistently negative “voices” that the “schitzo” is hearing in his/her head as his/her own voice, are in fact, the voices of demons.
Now, it should be said at this point. That someone who is diagnosed with and is suffering from schizophrenia, is not suffering from hearing positive and affirming voices in their heads; as far as I know. This may beg the question of which voices a psychopathic narcissist is hearing in his head, affirming everything he does and telling him he is the greatest thing going! I suppose the similarity in the falsely negative (schizophrenic) or the falsely positive (narcissist), is that the voices are lying and manipulating in both cases. This is straying deeper into the question of the origins of thought and consciousness; let’s put a pin in it and revisit.
This is what I am describing as the thoughts/voice that I hear, that I call my Time Demon. It presents within my consciousness and is making commentary on what I am up to, and most importantly, is only shooting me down. One could consider this as a valuable tool for self reflection in an attempt to not become falsely over confident, thinking that everything you do or touch is golden. As if this voice might keep me in check. If this was an internal psychological tool, where an evaluation of an event or process that I engaged in was considered and adjudicated with fairness and respect, then, at least some of the time, this voice would concur with my previous choices or plans and give me a pat on the back. Such is not the case, with both my Time Demon and the “voices” which schizophrenics hear inside their heads. They are always negative, or intent on confusing and causing discord of some kind or other. Hence my, and Jerry’s hypothesis is, that these always negative voices, are demonic. To be clear: a negative voice being described as demonic, does not simply mean that it bears an evil character or message. It means, as I see it, that an external force, coming not from within One’s self, is energizing this action and message. It is not advising the internal dialog of expressed thoughts, but it is directing that expression for its interests, not yours.
~ Splitting and Multiples
In following some of the research on MkUltra and other such sinister plots, it has been described that with the induction of severe or repeated trauma, One’s “personality” can be split. As in an other personality can be fostered and generated within the traumatized individual which may be able to be controlled or at least appear with a separate identity or character. I have personal experience with this, as it was described to me by a friend, that as a child, she had been repeatedly sexually abused by her step-father: that she could leave her body and go into the next room to play with her dolls during these events. I am describing an out of body experience. Additionally, she described to me, that in the case where she knew that an event was going to take place, she shifted into a different character, a more compliant, going along to get along, participant. I recently came upon this YouTube video, “Sexual Assault & the Brain in Six Minutes” - Jim Hopper, Ph.D., discussing this issue of compliance and submission in dangerous situations and how it can be confusing to the victim. What can come of this, is compartmentalization of the consciousness. What I mean, is the multiple personalities, the multiple selves, that we create out of necessity to survive, as well as out of convenience or even comfort, are encapsulated within the psyche. Like a foreign object that has literally gotten under our skin, like a sliver, is encapsulated by the body as a means of self protection. These multiple selves can show up in ways as straightforward as how we choose to present ourselves at work vs. how we present ourselves at church. The important thing here is, are we presenting who we truly are, and are we consistently conscious of who that true self is.
On another track, is Professor Sam Vaknin and his video “Signs of SWITCHING in Narcissists and Borderlines”. Where he presents the idea that these multiple personalities can come and go for various reasons, he does not however go as far as naming these negative and destructive voices as being demonic. In some of his earlier work that I followed in my study on the Malignant Narcissist, he presented this novel idea that this severe form of narcissism was in fact, the suffering from a multiple personality disorder. Described as the small (innocent) child that has been shamed so severely, that that self goes into hiding, and a false supremely confident and never - ashamed self is created (to achieve an ostensible equilibrium to the ongoing shaming of a perpetrator/caregiver). This too could be done in a desperate attempt to psychically survive. In a sense: sacrificing the “weaker - shamed” true self, for the creation of the falsely aggrandised narcissistic personality.
Now, I know I have gone in a few directions at once here, but the point I am trying to make, is that we choose, sometimes knowingly and more often not, to act and or present ourselves as something that positively fits a situation, but has nothing to do with who One truly is: One’s true self. In the case of the secretary put in a compromising position, where she may be in grave danger, might smile, or act without resistance. As Jim Hopper described, this can be an automated survival mechanism at the subconscious level in the given the situation. However, it does not reflect that the secretary agrees with or is happy about being in the situation. A false self is created by the danger and trauma, the one that goes along to get along, that does not represent the true desire or values of the abused individual. Conversely, the schizophrenic, or Arlen, who hears voices in his head that are not constructive, but quite the opposite are destructive; the abuser is the demonic force/voice, and the abused, the One who listens to and suffers from the demonic false message.
~ Original Sin
The journey that is to return to The Father, as I wrote about in “Pinnochio had it right”, is to do these three things:
~ Three tenets of Pinnochio’s successful REAL BOY journey:
He must not tell a lie.
He must keep going, no matter the terror or mystery.
He must return to the Father.
~ The quest to a REAL life:
When we arrive here, as my son Isaac did as described earlier in this exposé; in the beginning of this experience, our consciousness largely has yet to be formed. The ability to be self aware usually takes a few years to develop. It is with this self awareness that we can begin our journey back to The Father. So now on this journey, it is once we have found redemption that One can be without sin. These acts of: forgiveness, redemption, and absolution, come to us through Christ with our commitment and action of admission and repentance. Therefore, One is not born redeemed and without sin, it is something that is consciously pursued, somewhat like Pinnochio, not yet a Real Boy. Let us not be disillusioned that once redeemed, the journey is over. This is where the “sinful nature of man” comes into play. Despite our efforts and want for ongoing purity and to live in the glow of truth and goodness, we find ourselves coming up short and failing as we sin, yet once again. Christ’s blood is not wasted upon our frailty and fault. As One discovers the connection to him and The Father, through a pursuit of “true-self” discovery, we build that relationship and awareness of ever present grace, love, protection, tenderness, discipline, and acceptance from God. This connection does not create a “free-pass” to sin, this notion of being pre-forgiven. That we now have the confidence in this exchange of our action of sin being expunged by our repentance and freely received forgiveness, this does not make way for careless or heedless living. God knows our heart, and he knows if One is caught in a lie. It would be a lie, if One fell to his knees and repented and begged for forgiveness from The Father, knowing full well that the plan was already afoot to carry on in this same path of sin. It is a requirement for receipt of redemption, that One’s heart be true.
This can get fuzzy, real fast. How can One repent, with shame, and promise to try to not “do it again”, while also knowing that as a sinful being, the state of man, will definitely fail and fall into sin again? It almost seems like, what is the point? The point is the journey! We are here in this free will experiment to choose to return to The Father. When One chooses, knowing that there will be setbacks and failures at every turn, that is to choose sin; what matters is what One does next. Do you surrender to sin, and say “awe what the hell, what does it matter anyways”? The great deceiver smiles, claps his hands, and does a little dance every time someone might say this or act in this way. It is the picking One’s self up, seeing the truth of One’s failing and bringing it into the light for examination. This is hard stuff. We tend to not like a close examination of what, why, and how far off the mark was this failed action — this choice to sin. To deny and bury this ugly and shameful truth, is a great way to find One’s self in the exact same predicament just a little further down the road.
~ The Residence of the Self
So we have established that there can be many personalities or identities or even legal entities that can be described as a self. I have mapped out at length the artificial Legal Person that is created in an ALL CAPS, or some variant, Registered Corporation, which I notate as NAME. When I asked the CRA(IRS) to please notify me of the location/residence of the TAXPAYER associated with my name, they did not volunteer that information and I received no response, surprise. If One volunteers to act as or for TAXPAYER or NAME, and gives notice of residency within the Corporate jurisdiction, then it would be that street address or PO Box where the NAME resides. I would say that my Time Demon, resides within my memory and consciousness and it travels with me wherever I go, awaiting its moment to pounce.
But where does the true self reside? The self that will go beyond this life and experience, to rejoin with The Father? There is some kind of realm or dimension, where consciousness and the spirit can crossover. Where the Holy Ghost dwells and moves effortlessly and immediately to connect with any such an One’s true self on a level that we can’t really perceive. It is in the group of questions and answers that our minds and consciousness cannot really comprehend:
Who or what made God?
How can something exist forever, without beginning or end?
If God knows what I will do at any point, his omniscient quality, then do I have free will to do whatever I wish?
Where, what, and when is eternity and what is described as “Heaven”?
Did my soul or spirit exist before my life on Earth? Or, is it an expansion of consciousness of The Creator?
Is time a reality, or is it a functional construct of this game, this experience?
Although many can answer any of these questions with a theory or some proposition, I do not believe that our level of consciousness can truly grapple with these unknowns. This is where we dwell and reside as a conscious spiritual entity, having an experience. It is my position, that One must accept the vagaries of, and multiple and opposing truths, to exist at once. Although I cannot see, taste, or touch God’s love directly, I live in its goodness each day. That plane or dimension, that is experienced as love, is where I believe The Father and my true self resides.
To act as or for anything that is not One’s true self is at least a manipulation and most likely a barefaced lie. To act a certain way to gain benefit, that is not in congruence with One’s true beliefs and convictions, is what the Epistle of James is talking about in verse nine of the second chapter. To allow One’s true self to be covered, controlled, masked, or directed to act in a way that is not in harmony with truth, love, and beauty is what I have described in this discussion on multiple personalities.
For those returning readers, I hope that the “self” of the NAME/Legal Fiction, has been clearly discerned by now, but if it hasn’t, be patient. It takes time to digest and achieve that knowing of who One is and who One is not. This concept of our thoughts and the voices in our heads, brings a whole new level of discerning where the true self lies and who it is.
To sum up: One is confronted with opportunity everyday to at least attempt to pursue truth, love, and beauty. When One is living in the, at once sublime but also monstrous truth, of: who One is, what One has done, who others are, what they have done, who our caregivers really are, what our caregivers have done etc., One can begin to shed the false personas and masks we have chosen to pick up and put on. If we come to all of this with love, as The Father and Yeshua have modelled for us, holding ourselves and others to account for good and for bad, and then with that love bring forward: grace, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness upon repentance; it is here where beauty and The Father will be found.
Have it good,
Arlen